I was in my early twenties, and oh so floundering when I first heard the phrase, "Can not see the trees for the forest."
Since then I have also heard, "Can not see the forest for the trees." I had no clue how repeatedly applicable those analogies are in life.
Most glaringly I see how it can relate to raising children. My husband always told me that HE and I (our relationship) should come before the children. I could not exactly fathom that. Nothing came before my son of course (except God). It was just counter intuitive to put anything else before my dependent needy baby or even two year old, 5 year old, or 10 year old. In my thinking, kids always came first.
Kids are grown. Tough stuff is done. It's back to "him and me," my husband and me.
I did my best. I usually felt that there was not enough of me to go around.... you know.... the way many young mothers feel today.
I did O.K.. My son is grown and married, and doing very well, and son of my heart, whom we tried to adopt. Glory to God. My children are happy and responsible, and still like us reasonably so. My youngest, my daughter is in high school and is doing very well. She is already OH SO INDEPENDENT.
Now I see what my husband tried to tell me. It is back to ,"he and I." He tried to keep that the focus all along. If I had it to do over again, I MIGHT do better at keeping that focus. I think I am happy for my son and his wife, because I think they do well at putting one another first.
I couldn't see the forest for the trees, or was it I couldn't see the trees for the forest?
Now here is the other thing that my husband waited 10 years to hear, "You were right," about:
More than a decade ago, my husband and I bought raw unimproved property. My husband was the first to live on our land. More specifically, he CAMPED. Well our neighbors were great friends of ours, so he sometimes slept in their house, and sometimes he camped out on our land, or slept in his truck, and took gallon jug showers. Hearty campers will know what I mean.
First the land had to be cleared of trees and brush, so that a driveway could be revealed, and then a space for a house. I appreciated his hard clearing work, but in the meantime, I was busy raising two children (it felt like ALONE) and actually preparing our house for sale, and... stretching and doing the paper work myself so we forewent a third party commission.
Then we lived in a 8x27 foot R.V. for 13 months while we got our foundation poured and the walls and plumbing done to "shell" shelter stage. Then we moved in. Not the way I would ever recommend anyone else to do, but we did save money, and it profited us financially. Shall aim to blog about that more specifically someday.
So here we live in the country. Scrub oak and mesquite trees, mountain laurel, Texas persimmon, and deer, raccoon, armadillo, jack rabbits, quite abound. I was too busy with kids, working as a teacher, and house chores (and recently-blogging) and prior to that, BUILDING A HOUSE, too busy to notice, literally, the trees for the forest.
When my husband had time, after the building was done, something he liked to go and do was "clear brush," or cut down limbs and trees. I fussed and fussed at him for this. He was doing it- NOT in our yard, but in the forest, and I felt our forest should go undisturbed. He would argue, "Someday you are going to thank me, Tammy."
I would argue back (I am ashamed to say) bitterly. I had a real problem, and my husband hadn't the words or ability to convince me to be on his side about this.
For 12 years I did not give him any credit for this work. I did not value it.
I did not value it UNTIL, I found Sally.
She was 26 pounds when I found her in the middle of the interstate hwy, no collar, riddled with fleas, and no micro-chip. We had her checked.
Since then, she has doubled in weight, and has become a family member, best friend... mine and my husband's fourth child you might say.
But back to my point. When I got Sally, we did not have a yard fence to keep her safe. We did not want her running loose, and getting hit by a car, or getting into trouble, so she became our indoor dog. I had to take her for walks about 8 times a day, especially while I was trying to house-train her.
Those walks got me into the woods, and WOW. Lo and behold, my husband was right!! Because or his hard work, our woods are nicer than ever for walking in. Shady, but secluded we can be, with out having to stoop constantly under low limbs, BECAUSE OF MY HUSBAND's hard work.
Thank you Honey! You were right, and I was wrong, at least these two times. I love you, and I am grateful for this time that we have together, past the hard stuff that we survived.
I am grateful to God for His mercy, grace, and provision in our family. It's me and you together first, and here for the children, (all that God brings to us) for as long as He gifts us with life and breath.
I wonder what lessons await you? What will you be telling your husband, "I'm sorry. You were right!" about?
25 years in, to the love relationship, what positives may I say about my marriage, my man? Find out here >> https://grandmamarymartha.blogspot.com/2017/07/25-positives-about-my-husband-25-years.html