This beautiful mess (above) is what my New Year's Resolution is all about. Sorting materially and emotionally. Finding these little jewels, reminding me of my little dancer that always needed hair pins and safety pins for dance costumes; reminding me of my cute little boy that had to always be playing/collecting marbles, building with Legos. Sorting out my feelings, coming to terms that all the love and energy I had put into raising my little children has come full circle. I wanted them to not be dependent on me. I wanted them to make their own way. I didn't want to micro-manage them but for them to each have confidence to make their own decisions and learn from their own mistakes. What I failed to realize myself was how lonely I would feel when my greatest desire was fulfilled.
My daughter is the age I was when I got married 26 years ago. I am so proud of her and frankly, myself for raising her. When she was in college I was still in the "raising mode," and didn't have time to feel lonely; she still needed and depended on me. My mission is now complete and it is bitter-sweet. I didn't know that with this great accomplishment I had been striving for the last 23 years would leave a big hole in my heart and a loneliness in my life. I have paid the ultimate sacrifice; but isn't that what mothers do: put children first?
She will never be that little girl that needs me again. This year is about emotionally sorting through my feelings and putting all that behind, realizing she was never mine in the first place. She has ALWAYS been His. I was only lucky enough to be entrusted to care and guide her in this life. She may never be that little girl that needs her mother again, but I do know a daughter will always WANT her mother. I take comfort in that.
My son is still in college and even though he thinks he doesn't need or depend on me, I know he does. But very soon, my mission to raise him will also be complete and another hole will be forever etched into my heart. I will once again, have to come to terms that he was never mine; but a child of the King. I am so thankful and blessed that God chose me to be their mother. Through HIM I will come to terms with my new normal and find joy again. Thanks be to God! 💗
I love you sister, and beautiful niece and nephew. May the Lord's will be done in your hearts, my heart, our family for generations, and in the world....... All our hope is in the Heavenly Father through Christ Jesus. Truly He is GREAT and to be praised. There were many answered prayer along the way to here...........
Click on the Empty Nest label(at bottom of post or in right margin of computer format) if you would like to read more on this topic. If you would like to join our closed facebook group where we encourage one another through this adjustment and beyond (Empty Nest and Beyond) let us know and we will add you. You can leave me a note, or click here to request to join > https://www.facebook.com/groups/1757813154233560/ May Sonshine be bright on your path!
From Grandma Mary Martha blog: