I want to share with you about a time that I needed strength and victory in my marriage, but I was so sick, and Iow, that I did not even ask, expect, or dare to hope. For 9 months, our family was splintered and expecting divorce, with parents living separately.
Here, now, I will not go in to the whys or specific background except to say that we were both at fault. To the purpose of my testimony here, I will share that, while my husband lived and worked in a town hours away from us, he asked, (school teacher me), "Will you bring the kids here, and stay with them so I can enjoy them after work (your first week of summer vacation)?"
I thought, "Well if we get a divorce, I will probably have to turn the children over to him.... and have no choice, so YES I can do this..... and I shall."
This is how the healing came.
I took our children to his apartment 4 hours away, with our suitcases packed with clothes, bedding, and my Bible. I went thinking, "I am going to cook, do dishes, support visits, read my Bible. That is all."
And that is pretty much what I did. When he was at work, the kids and I tried to busy ourselves with books and games, walks and visits to the playground, and when their dad came home, they swam together in the apartment pool, played more games, watched dvd movies. I cooked, cleaned, watched my children have fun with their dad, and I READ MY BIBLE. When I had no busy-ness, then I READ MY BIBLE.
I read my Bible like it was medicine and I was sick and I needed medicine. I was sick.
I did not even ask for healing, because I had zero hope. I just read my Bible. At the beginning of my week there, supporting the visit, I kept thinking, "I am not looking forward to the process, but I WANT A DIVORCE. I want to get it behind me."
I kept reading my Bible. The kids kept playing with their dad, having a good time. Reading my Bible in big wonderful doses, that's good medicine! Perhaps it was Bible reading combined with my husbands prayers......... At the end of our week at his apartment, there had been a change in my thinking. Then, I thought,"I don't want to get a divorce," but then the voice of worldly reason chimed in,"Tammy, don't tell Paul that you don't want to get a divorce because..........this feeling, this is not going to last. It is temporary. You can't be healed of all the pain, and besides, do you really want to subject yourself to all of this (what happened in the past) all over again, where history repeats itself, and you get hurt again, or you go through the same terrible mess all over again only you are OLDER??" Good worldly logic right there!
No I did not want to go through it all over again, only later down the road!! I kept my possible healing to myself. Didn't utter a word about it to anybody. After all I was NOT giving in to healing over voice of reason.
We finished our week at my children's father's apartment as he requested. They had a nice time. We said our good byes, and came home. This second week of summer vacation back at my house, was devoted to cleaning and organizing of my own home, while the children enjoyed the comforts and conveniences of their own spaces. Again between chores and obligations, I READ MY BIBLE, still not letting go of my fear of the future if I allowed myself to stay in this marriage.
For another entire week (that adds up to two weeks of intense BIBLE reading therapy), not only did my heart feel healed of the pain and anger, but also the FEAR. Pain and anger were gone with out a trace, and in place of fear, the Holy Spirit sent HOPE, wonderful HOPE, and actually PEACE and comfort in my heart. The future was no longer threatening and scary.
The next time my husband came to visit the children, I told him, "God has healed my heart completely, and I have HOPE of a new beginning."
My husband just smiled and hugged me. We negotiated terms, which we believed would help us be successful. The marriage road has not been easy for us, but I can honestly say that I have never regretted trying again, with Paul, my husband. The 6 years since our reconciliation have actually been the best, my favorite years of marriage. I love him more today than ever, and I will always believe that in God's mercy and grace, He gave me a miraculous healing.
I share this story now, hoping to bring hope and encouragement to someone, and to glorify and honor the Father and His word. It is the best medicine!... more powerful than the juniper berries, to boost the defenses toward victory.
1 Timothy 4:4-6 applied and emphasized by me, for me:
For every creature of God is good, and nothing is to be refused if it is received with thanksgiving; for it is sanctified by the word of God and prayer.
I understand that the above scripture is not referencing to marriage in context, but never the less, I see that God's word has the power, along with prayer, to sanctify.
I had planned for divorce. God's word and prayer provided sanctification and healing. There simply are no limits to our God.
6 years after the separation, happily married, and grateful,