I Did Not Want to Deal with This

Nature is both my sanctuary, and my teacher.  Often it is the temple of my worship or praise to the creator, and the garden in which I commune with my Lord.  Sometimes it is beautiful.  Sometimes it is sad to me. In these sad instances, there is something I say. 

Years ago, I adopted a life habit based on something my husband said at a very sensitive sad time.  He was just notified that his mother had been in a terrible accident, and she had been transported by ambulance helicopter to the nearest hospital.  Sadly, she did not survive, but I remember that phone call clearly.  My husband did not fall down and cry.  He calmly hung up the phone, and said, "I'll be so happy when we get to Heaven, and the curse on this earth is lifted."

I know that my mother-in-law was as close to her little boy, as I was close to mine (once upon a time little boy son)....... She told me that when he, my husband, was little he was unable to go to sleep unless laying beside her, twirling her hair in his fingers.  This little boy, became my husband, this man, father of my children.

Years later when I drove on the road passing by another deer that had met its death by car (always sad for my daughter and me), I decided I was going to apply what my husband said.  Now, often when I see death or sickness, I say it as a weird sort of praise or expression of faith.  I say, "I'll be so glad when we get to Heaven." It helps me focus eternally and get my eyes off the sadness before me.

I said it today, when we discovered that a cat, that months earlier I had taken to the vet to spay, and was told she was too young... she had kittens.  Three apparently pre-mature kittens.

June 3, 2017

I did not want to watch this.  The mother seemed only relieved that her belly felt better.  She lounged in the sun and ignored them. Pink furless paws, embryonic shaped heads, KITTENS.  Hard for the heart to ignore.  I referred to my line of faith and comfort, "I'll be so glad when we get to Heaven."  I wished they would die quickly.  They didn't.  

So now we are trying to give them sustenance through a tiny syringe dropper, every hour.  Two are taking it.  One will not, and seems to have an undeveloped roof of mouth where formula comes up through her nose and she chokes.  We are sad about it, but we wrapped her up and set her down by her siblings.  I hope God takes her soon, and that she goes where we are going.

Oh I wouldn't want to live this life with out an eternal perspective.  What a comfort it is to me, to over and over remember and look at my hope and expectation that I am just a pilgrim here.This world is not my home I'm just a passing through.

Everything about this life is temporary, except the soul which God gives us, and the Holy Spirit He shares with those who are His. There in lies  the beauty, the gift, the sweet hope and expectation of a Christian's destination.

Remember this dear sister(s) we are on our way to a mansion, where there is no sadness.  May your path be brighter and more joyful, with that at the end of your vision.

John 14:3 
 And if I go and prepare a place for you.  I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. 

Revelation 21:4 
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying.   There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away. 

Thank you for visiting. I would love for you to leave me a comment.  If you have a question about my expectation of salvation and my hope, I would be glad to try and address it in the comments.  I want to be a minister of the love and doctrine of Jesus Christ, the Jew, Son of God, who loved sinners, the world, enough to suffer pure agony willingly on the cross in order to provide a way of salvation for us sinners who on our own, are not fit to inhabit the presence of our Holy God, Creator.

John 15:13
Greater love hath no man than this, that he would lay down His life for His friends.

In Him, we are LOVED๐Ÿ’–
Grandma Mary Martha ๐Ÿ˜Š

....................................kitty update.......................................

June 4
The one that we thought was not going to make it......... We TRIED to feed it one more time........and it ingested with out choking, and none came out her nose.  This poor little girl (calling her that, don't know for sure) has what we call a "cradle cap," on her head.  The mom did not fully remove the placenta and it dried on her head like a little cap.  We will give her a warm bath someday, to relieve her of this annoying impediment, but little that I know, we are afraid that if we do it now, she may get chilled.

My daughter and I woke every three hours through the night to feed them, and  we have developed quite a routine to get us through the weekend.  Monday I think I will go to the vet's office to get purchased professional formula.  You'd think that would be better.  I know it doesn't compare to Mama's milk.

our routine:
1) Mix formula: 1 Tbsp. evaporated milk, 1 Tbsp. purified water, 1 teaspoon buttermilk    ( I wanted them to have a little extra fat and was hoping the good bacteria would be good for them.  Buttermilk has been pasteurized.)  I microwave it for 10 seconds..........any longer and it is too hot.

2) Get kittens in towel and place on daughter's lap. (warmth)

3) I get the "rice sock" and "couscous sock" together to microwave and warm for 45 seconds to create a bed warmer, and then arrange them on bottom of their 
little den.

4) Then my daughter, Cherish, puts all but one kitten on a soft towel on top of the warm socks.  They get to cuddle there until it is their turn to be fed.

5)  While being fed, they are held, wrapped in a soft cloth, and a syringe is carefully offered as it slowly expells the make-do nutrition.

Above is the baby with the cradle cap.

(Please excuse the background clutter.  I am a teacher, and just closed down the school for the summer, and brought home some boxes to organize and de-clutter and haven't tended to it yet.)

6) When all are fed, they cuddle and sleep together. And........ we occasionally have to use a warm damp towel to clean tiny bums.  It is our job to simulate the mother licking them.  Yes, we are so proud, they have all had bowel movements, and no diarrhea.

7)Something else we have done to produce a warm environment, is get a medium size towel, splash water in the middle, fold the wet part to the inside, (so only dry cloth is outward), microwave it for about 40 seconds and we place that as a warm "roof."  Then if you stick a finger INSIDE their little nest it feels appropriately warm and cozy we think.  This was a particular concern because we believe a few of them actually came close to death.  Their little bodies felt *COOL to the touch.  We knew they needed exterior warmth because their little bodies could not regulate temperature as mature healthy kittens could.

8) Lastly I boil water and submerge the syringes in it, fight germs.

Oh, and this morning, we found a fourth kitten, bigger, but cold to the touch* !!  My daughter-in-law, referred to them as little beans, so we went with it.  Now they have names, who we believe is the white little boy, he is Navy (bean), then we have Pinto, Chick Pea, and Lima, but we don't know whose name belongs to who yet.

They have done amazingly well and watching them nurse is a pleasure, as compared to "watching them die," waiting on their mother to care for them, HURT.

Now we are committed.  When they feed, my daughter lovingly tells them, how precious they are, and how strong and sweet they are.  I talk to them about chasing butterflies and catching rats someday.  We want good things for our fur babies, the way our Heavenly Father wants GOOD for us.  That is WHY He provided Jesus, and Jesus is preparing a place in paradise, for who are His.

I am on my way to be with Jesus, but on the way, I am enjoying his sweet creation, including these tiny babies which I didn't want to deal with, but now I love, and everyday, I seek to keep an eternal perspective while I also enjoy the temporary that God has shared with me.  All glory and honor to Him!

Thanks for visiting at Grandma Mary Martha๐Ÿ’–
and our baby beans.


  1. Such a comforting way to look at the devastating things we go through. I'm going to put this into practice! Thank you for sharing!

    1. Thank you for reading, and sharing that you "get it." You have blessed me.

  2. Wow, what an act of love you and Cherish are doing for those kittens. I know it isn't easy. Thanks for all the words and pictures.

    1. Thanks for blessing me with your visit here, and supportive, kind comments Becky. This is much better. It did not feel good to be checking on them waiting for them to die because mama was ignoring them. It feels good to nurture life that God created.

    2. You are doing such a great job sweet cousins!! I know a person who does this every year here almost and has been very successful but it is tiring and a HUGE act of LOVE as OUR FATHER did for us. You have such an eloquent and loving way with words and showing how everyday life happenings fit with what He feels for us. Thank you adn keep the Kittie updates coming! Love you soooooo much!

    3. Thank you sweetie cousin, for reading and taking the time to encourage me. Love you sister cousin.

  3. I have never experienced kittens in such a manner and thanks for sharing it with me Tammy. I like your perspective. . . my heart catheter at one point I saw white/gray and was not breathing and knew all was well,ready to go.My anesthetist came to check me and told me to breathe. As long as he talked to me I struggled to breathe and my heart pumped. It was not time to go but I know I am ready to meet God anytime.This is the teachable moment God has sent.May others see Him through the kittens.Love you Tammy, sister in Christ.

    1. Dear friend, I am glad that you stopped by to read. I am grateful that you are feeling better, and for the wonderful peace in your heart, and the sweet friendship you share with me.

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