*warning- long post, juicey, meaty post
This post is so big in my heart, that I don't even know how to begin.
Being HUMAN is not easy. Being a good human, and ever evolving, maturing human, getting closer and closer to the human IDEAL is even more challenging. Physical life is challenging, and ends in death, but THAT DEATH is just the beginning of the best part, according to the Christian faith.
I am Christian. My husband is Christian. I have blogged a lot about my marriage, openly, with hopes of encouraging others. I have shared transparently about the good and some bad (referenced to vaguely).
There is an aspect of marriage that I have not written about until now, and today it is difficult for me to write this, though I feel called by God to do so.
In my 50s now, I am still learning about myself as a person, and my marriage. In my 50s, I have become more aware of MY OWN flaws and weaknesses as a marriage partner, and NOT because my husband has pointed to said flaws. He has not...to his credit.
Still, I believe by the Holy Spirit in my life, my eyes were opened to some tendencies and habits that were not entirely functional or healthy on my part. I tell more about that soon, here >>in my upcoming post at Telling Hearts<<(will be linked when live)
The aspect that for the first time I write about, here today, is spiritual leadership of the family. If spiritual leadership of the family involves teaching the children, suggesting prayer, leading prayer, rallying the children for church, being the most involved in all things church (over the years)...then I have been the leader. I did not want to be the leader, but I was, I am.
Earlier in my marriage, I begged my husband to do more. I bought him books. I talked (nagged), prayed, and modeled, all the while being discontent with his lack of leadership.
I would ask myself questions like "Why...?"
"Why is he like this?"
"Why did this happen to me, my family?"
"Why can't he be the leader?"
"Is there anything I could do to change him, help him, fix him?"
"Is this my payment for some sin?"
"Will my children be OK?"
I did PRAY, and I plugged onward.
We made it. My family is far from perfect, but by God's grace and blessing, we are intact. We love each other, I would even say that my husband and I are closer today and enjoy a more peaceful happy relationship today, than any year before, and I could blatantly BRAG on how well my children are doing, but I want to make it clear that I absolutely give glory and gratitude to God for all of that.
There was much prayer along the way. I messed up badly sometimes, and sometimes I did a lot right. Mostly it is the way that it is today, because of the blessing, mercy and grace of God, and because we LOOKED to Him...again I say, LOTS OF PRAYER...
I am literally working everyday to be a better wife. I work to be more patient, more loving, more healthy and functional in my communication and living habits in my marriage. I say "work" because it takes conscience effort, because I NEED to WORK at it.
Last night in my sleep, the Lord encouraged me. You could say- in a dream, but it was more like, "I received clarity and encouragement in my sleep, to my soul, from God."
For me to try and put it all into words, what was delivered to my spirit, some in word form, some not...It was something like this:
Being human is not easy. All have stresses, wounds, burdens, frailties, flaws, both you and your husband. God heals, YES, but all is not perfect until Heaven.
When you signed up to be his MRS., you signed up to love him and honor him, your husband. Be obedient to ME and I will work out my purposes.
So he is not the leader that you wished for? You have had your flaws to. Remember that. Don't worry about how far from perfection your life, your marriage, your husband is. Just worry about LOVING HIM.
That is your job- to love him. Love him whole-ly, completely, flaws and all, and get over your disappointment(s).
John the Baptist didn't get to choose NOT to have his head cut off. Mary, mother of Jesus did not get to choose to have traditional marriage then pregnancy. No. She had to deal with some stress with Joseph learning and adjusting to their roles in this divine plan.
This is not a fairy-tale life. It is what it is. So your husband is not the LEADER like you wanted or dreamed of. He is your husband, and no one knows better than you, the sweetness and blessing in that relationship.
Don't worry about what is not the way you would order it. Just focus on loving your husband, and doing your part in obedience and love.
If you must be the leader, then how may you be the most loving, kind, gracious and wise leader, so that you are above reproach? That is your job. To love your MR. and live in gratitude and humility.
Disclaimer: I know there are all kinds of circumstances in marriages. I am speaking for my marriage. Be encouraged if you think it applies. I pray God's blessings on my readers, in their marriages and in their journeys in Christian faith. The Lord's will be done in our hearts and in the world, as in Heaven. Amen.
Tammy@ Grandma Mary Martha blog
I would be delighted if you shared, to encourage someone else, or dropped me a comment or two to let me know that my writing matters.